I read this blog post today from a young lady named Crissy who used to be in the adult film industry. She is a wonderful writer and I thought I would share this beautiful, heartfelt post of hers about struggling to accept God's love.
You can read the rest of Crissy's story here.
Love is Already There
Her heart will not heal. She feels like it just stays in a broken state. Her heart is stronger than it was before but still wide open, unafraid and very vulnerable. She wonders if maybe He just won’t allow it heal. Perhaps, only one love can ever fill that void. She seems to understand this but still she keeps running away.
She feels He is fighting for her. Perhaps He is guarding her from more self-destruction and heartache. She seems to feel protected from her vice, the one she always chooses, love. He won’t allow anyone else try to heal her. It’s His job. She still searches for the fairytale she read in a book. A fairytale she still believes can happen to a girl like her. She seeks a love that doesn’t ever go away.
Her emotions are like a roller coaster just the way He made her. They are so intense and hard to hold back. She keeps searching and hoping to find her love. People tell her when you stop looking is when you’ll find it. She needs a peaceful heart. She needs the kind of heart that is everything that her mind has determined she’s not. Life has never been peaceful for her.
The harder she seeks love, the more she feels Him pursuing her. It frightens her because no one else has ever pursued her. When no one else is around He comes to her. He turns her crying face towards Him, wipes all her tears away and tells her how much He loves her. He calls her His beloved daughter and rocks her to sleep in His arms. She has peace through the night…
…then the next day she runs again.
She doesn’t know how to accept that His love for her is immeasurable and given to her freely. In her inconsistent life it doesn’t seem possible that there is a love that never goes away. Life for her has been drifting from one embrace into another leaving her feeling more defiled. She sought love from the entire empty world. She loves Him so much but realizes she also has to accept His love.
She sits in church holding back the tears on Sunday. She spent the night before seeking admiration and approval in the world. Even though she loves Him she still can’t grasp how He can love a woman like her. God loved her enough to send His one and only Son to the earth to die and save her from her sins. He also washed her clean. She is a new creation. No matter what anyone thinks of her He adores her. She is His beloved daughter. He is not a fairytale but even greater, the author and inspiration of the greatest love story ever! He is LOVE in it’s purest form. She just needs to slow down and take a breath. God’s gift comes without a price. She needs to accept His love as her main “love source”…
…and stop running.
